Bully for You

The saying has come down to us from history: "Bully for you" meaning essentially well done. Sometimes it has a little edge of sarcasm to it.

Arthur: "I got 98% on the Maths test this week."

Jim: "Well, bully for you, I got four right. Smart ass."

Tim Field who studied bullying for many years and was himself bullied at work which resulted in illness reckoned that fifty percent of the population have been bullied.

Bullying, as opposed to assault or harassment, is characterised by "an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time." Many different bullies colonise many different niches, one being the corridors of power, and considering the possibilities and opportunities for bullying in the highest positions in the land it is small wonder that these people congregate there.

"Often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication."

Home educators have been criticised in many areas during the past few years. They have fought off officious and sanctimonious attacks from the pulpits of preachers condemning what they know not of. Local authorities have whined that home educators may abuse their children. Yes, they might, but so might local authority employees. We have been misrepresented as twisted statistics testify in Home Education Review by Graham Badman as seeing the social services more. This may be easily explained by the fact that many children with Special Educational Needs are over-represented in the home educated group of children: they are the ones who probably suffer most from the inflexible and impersonal confines of school. Other home educating children have been reported to social workers because of misunderstandings about home education and because of some malicious impulse from neighbours or other busy -bodies.

"In society, being singled out and treated differently; for instance, everyone else can get away with murder but the moment you put a foot wrong - however trivial - action is taken against you."

Children can die on school trips but no one calls for closer surveillance of schools - the deaths are explained as accidents. Let a man or woman slap the home educator label on him or herself and he or she is immediately branded a child abuser. So much so, that the very authorities who are given the task of checking out genuine cases of abuse and turn their backs and walk away, are in a furore of righteous vigour about the rights of children to be 'safe.' Just a little two-faced when various authorities have been found less than able to deal with genuine abuse cases. Then a few inconsequential people are sacked, their careers are ruined of course, but someone has to be the sacrificial lamb. Meanwhile the ones who are left in post clamour for more powers to assess the condition of more children who are perfectly safe in their family units.


"Finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented." I imagine that autonomous learners who spoke with Graham Badman could testify that whatever they said was challenged, belittled or ignored. Badman has certainly chosen not to avail himself of a google search which would bring up many research reviews for autonomous learning; however, bullies tend not to want to examine the truth or anything which contrasts with their world view.

"Having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away." Mr. Badman would have us submit detailed plans of future educational direction, possible in some cases, but impossible in autonomously educating children's cases. Our authority as parents would be severely compromised should we accept the devolution of our position to mere 'stakeholders' in our children's lives. Our authority as human beings would be blighted were we required to explain every move to hostile local authority agents. We are captains of our educating ships and do not expect to file shipping plans with the remote authority on shore.

Now to focus attention on a bully.

He or she is also ... "aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills."

I don't know Mr. Badman personally, nor have I ever met him even briefly, but I can attest that he is devious. He wanted his words left unreported when Education Otherwise members had a meeting with him. He doesn't listen: many articulate and deeply committed parents of autonomous children sought to detail the joy and pleasure of child-led learning to him but he was either not listening or was uncomprehending. He was given a CBE in January 2008 for services to education and local government by the Department of Children Schools and Families (DCSF), was Specialist Adviser to the Education and Employment Parliamentary Select Committee (1997) and is chummily referred to as 'Graham' in a letter from Ed. Balls, the Secretary of State for the DCSF, one can fairly assume then that he is drawn to power.

Bullies select their targets from amongst people who are excelling and succeeding in their endeavours. They resent others who "show independence of thought or deed." They target those who are experts "and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)." Patently, home educators are experts on home education and the bullying technique of appointing representatives of a review panel who were ignorant of, or largely uneducated in, the vast areas of complicated strands in which home education exists was apparent. No one should be an expert on home education but Mr. Badman, not those who practice it and not those who participate in it.

Unfortunately, as proponents of a generally superior system of education, we have drawn attention to ourselves and have become targets. "Our performance unwittingly highlights, draws attention to, exposes or invites unfavourable comparison with the bully's lack of performance (the harder you work to address the bully's claims of underperformance, the more insecure and unstable the bully becomes)." The multifarious failings of the state school system threaten and undermine a person who has spent forty years being an apologist for the regular school system.
It would have been surprising, after all, if Graham Badman had produced an impartial and unbiased report.

Since we dedicated home educators have "honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)," I hope that Winston Churchill is correct when he writes: "The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is."

All quotations or paraphrased quotations are taken from the website, Bullyonline, started and caringly nurtured by the incomparable Tim Field who died of cancer on January 15th, 2006. It has no connection with another website Bullyingonline, now renamed Bullying UK.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm

To Tim Field, a man who spoke out for all the workers under other men's boots. Rest in peace.

You weren't there

You weren't there when I first saw the blue line in a little window.

You weren't there when I told her father that we were to be parents.

You weren't there when I felt the first unimaginably gentle butterfly wings against my stomach.

You weren't there when I threw up all over, in the house, out of the house, and the car got hammered too.

You weren't there when I saw the outline of a real live baby on the strange topography of the scan.

You weren't there when the huge force of nature opened me and shook me and bent me and stole my breath in momentous labour pains.

You weren't there when she came out, purple-faced with blue eyes gleaming, raising hell with a piercing demanding cry.

You weren't there when she rose up and tottered towards the toy basket, and then fished inside for something she wanted and grabbed at it with a squeak of mastery.

You weren't there when I dressed her in an infinitely tiny skirt and a miniscule sweater embroidered with the school logo, and told her that she would 'enjoy school.'

You weren't there when her school shoes were put in the shower and soaked in the middle of winter.

You weren't there when she shivered and coughed and felt really ill in P.E. standing about, listening to the teacher drone on about nothing much in -1 degree weather.

You weren't there when the light died out of the gleaming blue eyes because the girls in her class wouldn't play with her or talk to her or team up with her in any games or classroom endeavours.

You weren't there when she bowed her head under the insults and the insolent stares of hostile kids.

You weren't there when they forced her up against a toilet wall, two against one, and pulled her arms back until she managed, thank God, to squirm free of their malice and their hatred.

You weren't there when the lovely girl got paler and paler, and took on the greyness of transparency.

You weren't there when we walked into school for the hundredth time to complain about the bullying.

You weren't there when they said it was her fault that she got bullied because she was 'too quiet' and I said how the hell can you be too quiet, and when was it a crime to be peaceful?

You weren't there when they made fun of her favourite comfortable shoes.

You weren't there when they tried to trip her up in P.E. because they wanted to hurt her and make her fall and make her look stupid in front of the rest of the class, and hurt her and hurt her and hurt her.

You weren't there.

Why are you there now, demanding access to see if I'm abusing her, you infernal condoners of abuse and misery. You two-faced harridans with your human rights that you choose to ignore when it damn well suits you?

Go save the children who ARE there. Those you are supposed to care for. Go. Take up your true responsibilities and leave my family alone.

We must be assured of your safety, kid

"Wherever a child is educated, local authorities need to be assured that each child is safe, well and receiving a full time education, suitable to their needs and abilities. The safety and wellbeing of all children is of the utmost importance and where local authorities have concerns about the safety and welfare, or education of a home educated child, effective systems must be in place to deal with those concerns."

From http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/ete/homeeducation/

It is obviously untrue. In just one incident, when my child was in school, she was pushed up against a wall face first and had both arms wrenched back. It hurt. Not just the pain from the assault, but the pain from being excluded, being the butt of someone else's disdain for your privacy and self-hood, your safety, your personal power as an individual. Let's face it. If a person slams you up against the wall like that, it probably means they don't like you. Of course, it also means that they are in serious trouble. They are possible psychopaths. They damage themselves and are poison to others around them. They need interventions to help them understand that they cannot so treat another human being. They need help. But they don't get it. And they go on and on and on hurting other children...

Our local Local Authority never even knew, I guess. If they had known, would they have bothered to investigate? Would they have come along to deliver a workshop about bullying entitled: "We all hate bullying" or "Bullying is bad. Don't do it!"? When the workshop, with the bullies in ringside seats sitting comfortably, butter wouldn't melt, nodding solemnly at every word, was over did the LA people trundle off in their various cars congratulating themselves that they had made the school safer for targets of bullying? Likely.

The government statistics say that 450,000 children are bullied every week. With 52 weeks in the year, well, kids aren't in school every week but you get the idea. That's a whole lot of bullying. That's a whole lot of children NOT being safe in school, isn't it? That's a whole lot of lonely traumatised children on the fringes of playgrounds, ostracised by their peers, picked on when they speak, ridiculed when they stay silent, living in a confusing, frightening daymare of absolute misery and pain with no way out.

That's 450,000 children every week that the Local Authorities do not keep safe.

There are about 50,000 home educated children in the United Kingdom. 450,000 children. 50,000 children.

I can understand really. 450,000 children you are bound to keep safe but don't must be a huge drain on mental resources. The guilt must weigh heavily. The weighty sadness must tug at your guts. Who haven't we saved from hell today? Which child has been beaten up for a bit of fun by a gang of other kids? How many tinies are hurting because we cannot do anything?

450,000 children every week are suffering.

So much for your aims and missions and visions. Your religion of pronouncements that 'children are safe in school.'

It is quite clear that children are not safe in school. That is a lie. You can tell a lie six million times but it doesn't make it true. Many home educators have to take their children OUT of school to ensure their children's safety. Meanwhile 450,000 school children are being bullied every week.

And we, responsible parents who often agonise about the best thing to do with no help from schools, no support from Local Authorities and in a constant state of anguish over the safety of our beleaguered children, are told we are suspects in child abuse cases. Go monitor that over which you have control, LAs. Go to the source of evil and leave responsible parents alone. All I want for my children is that they are unmolested in their young lives, and I can ensure that. I can hold their hands as they move towards independence and let go when they are ready to fly.

Leave us alone to do our utmost for our children.

Because I've seen what you can do (or rather what you do not do).

Leave us alone.

Let our children learn to fly when their wings mend.

Social workers want to hunt us down

Quote: "Social workers are calling on local authorities to increase the monitoring of home-educated children as a government review into the safety and welfare of the controversial practice gets underway.
The National Association of Social Workers in Education (NASWE) has warned that the current lack of scrutiny denies many children an effective education and often leads to them suffering harm."

This latest piece of idiocy comes from an article entitled 'Home education review sparks battle over lack of regulation' here: http://www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6011938

Pardon me, dearies, but it wasn't home educators who watched Victoria Climbie for month after month in her hell. Victoria was NOT home educated. Eunice Spry took her children out of school, yes, but they had been abused for years by then and plenty social workers trotted in and out of those poor children's lives.

Really, you have to admit that this crucifixion of home educators won't make a tiny bit of difference to the fact that social workers have let down abused children in various counties. You cannot shift blame like this. The fact is that social workers (NASWE is the National Association of Social Workers in Education) are remiss, not home educators. Social workers do not save any of the 450,000 children being bullied in schools not every year, not every month... but every WEEK. They do not equate school=bullying=unsafe environment apparently. And their blindness, their sheep-like adoration of targets and sayings that mean nothing, like Every Child Matters (why SAY it. If it were true, why would you NEED to say it?), costs children their self-assurance and their basic right not to be abused in an institution that we, adults, force them to spend the majority of their lives.

When NSPCC worker Vijay Patel had to admit on radio that there is no evidence that home educators abuse their children, it sort of gave the game away. Anyone who can listen, anyone who can read, knows the truth. Home educators are not the problem. You can stare at the moon and call it the sun all you like, dear social workers, but it does not make the satellite in the sky the sun.

Quite frankly, if I were a social worker I'd be ashamed. I'd be so ashamed of my union calling innocent people names, and nasty names at that. Mud sticks when it is thrown; however, it also sticks to the fingers of those who throw it.

450,000 children a week are abused. What are you doing about that, NASWE?

Well?

What?